walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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