everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
