Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
