I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
