Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Boobs speak an international language.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
