im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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