dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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