wakey wakey hands off snakey
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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