That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
