I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
