If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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