so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
