Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
