is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
