I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
