We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
My feet surprised me
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
