you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
