Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
