had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
