I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
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