Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
