I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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