I seem to have left my pride at pride
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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