just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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