saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
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I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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