I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize