There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
