That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
