We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
