doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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