Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
