she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Randomize
