Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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