I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize