apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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