I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
