I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
