Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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