i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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