Don't make out with my wife yet
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I understand Curling. That high.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
