bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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