so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
