If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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