He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize