There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
