Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
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I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
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Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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