where does the pee come out of this thing
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
