I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
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He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
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He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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