Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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