I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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