she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
