Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
