the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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