So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
