I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
