Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
