bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
