Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
