So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
