There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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