Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize