Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
