I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
