I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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