i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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