dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
