Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
