Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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