What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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