so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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