I'm going to jail i love you
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
