i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
