So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
pray to the hookup gods
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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