obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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