lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
