i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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