thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
